


Dearest Outsider

by erbine99



Category: Defiance (TV)
Genre: F/F, I have many feelings about Stahma/Kenya, this one's for my clone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 01:05:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9692957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erbine99/pseuds/erbine99
Summary: Stahma's thoughts about Kenya at the end of Painted From Memory.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kaslyna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaslyna/gifts).



I am sorry, Kenya. I am sorry to whatever god you may have believed in, and I am forever shamed before Rayetsu for what I did to you. It may have towed the line of Castithan tradition. But I cannot believe that any just god would have wanted you dead. You were a great light on this planet you call Earth. That I extinguished that light is my greatest crime on a long list.

I loved you, dear one. I used to lay awake at nights sometimes wondering if you felt anything for me. If I was just a client to you. Now I know it doesn't matter. I deserved nothing from you. Not your light, not your body, and not your life. 

You are my greatest regret. Because Kenya, those Castithan rules you were always urging me to strain against – eventually I found ways to bend them, to change them. And I found them too late. Too late to save you from myself. Datak has made me a partner now. We run the business together. I know you thought him a bad match for me, but I love Datak. I'll never be able to forgive him for telling me to kill you though. Or myself for going along with his stahko. 

When I saw that – creature with your face in the Need/Want today, I nearly went mad. I knew I had killed you. But I wanted you to be alive, no matter what the consequences might be for Datak or I. I cried when I dug up your grave. Amanda doesn't deserve to have lost you. But you Rosewater women are so strong. She will carry on.

Wherever you are now, I hope it is peaceful. 

Fandazwo keli lafsa me ripshe zheryulu, chimáhe bizhifyo kyuro kwaza, furíje laidizhiwa ksa oninje adarimbalu.

**Author's Note:**

> the casti means "ascend safely to the happy shores of heaven, dear outsider  
> and serve eternally in ultimate, exquisite peace."


End file.
